Have you ever loved something so deeply, so meaningfully, so completely, so profoundly that it would really irk you if you dropped that thing into a bubbling vat of acid? I have, and so that you may learn from my tragedy, I will share a horrific tale from my past.
Once, on a whim, I spent an entire summer trying to carve a perfect cube from a piece of driftwood on the beach. Don’t ask why; this is what all math teachers do during summer break, and if teachers tell you otherwise, they are lying. Look at their hands carefully—they are probably whittling as they lie to you!
Long ago, in the early days of American history, a hearty band of pilgrims landed firmly on Plymouth Rock for two reasons: (1) they sought religious freedom, and (2) they mistimed their jumps, originally aiming for Plymouth Soft Sand and getting a nasty lump on their foreheads as a result. (See last week’s My First Cliff Diving Kit for more information, or visit your local library.)
These days we celebrate the seafaring and clumsy spirit of those pilgrims by gathering family together and calcuating derivatives. Enjoy this gravy-soaked chain rule Problem of the Week, and we’ll see you in two weeks, after the Thanksgiving holiday.
Every holiday season, there’s one toy every child yearns for, the hot toy of the year that’s in short supply but high demand. In ages past, Cabbage Patch Kids, Furbies, and Tickle Me Elmos topped the sales charts, but not this year. No sir (or madam, as the case may be).
In the new Problem of the Week, we announce this year’s must have toy: My First Cliff Diving Kit! You’ll be the talk of the town as you plummet from astronomical heights, narrowly dodging razor-sharp rocks, and land in water less than four feet deep. The only thing you’ll be tickling is your fancy (or the side of the hospital bed in a desperate request for additional painkillers because you forgot to calculate for wind on your most recent dive).
In a shameless attempt to increase our ratings during sweeps month, the new Problem of the Week is pretty graphic, so we feel it necessary to warn you ahead of time. If you are upset by scenes of graphic functions and their derivatives, or if there are any young mathematicians among you, you may want to turn away from your computer screen now.
Are you a farmer who needs to fence in a rectangular plot of land that is bounded on one side by a river, but only plans to buy fence for the non-river sides because your cows aren’t strong swimmers? I know what you’re thinking. “Of course I am!” Thought so. I wrote the new Problem of the Week just for you, math/cow farmer.
If you liked the last Problem of the Week, which asked you to calculate the derivatives of functions defined by a table, then you are gonna love this week’s Problem of the Week, the Revenge of Table Derivatives. Why? Instead of two functions, you’re looking at four–count ’em FOUR–functions in the table. Enjoy.
By special request, the October 8 Problem of the Week is all about derivatives of tabular functions. “What are tabular functions,” you ask? They’re mysteries–only a few of their values are given in the form of a table, and you aren’t provided with the actual functions themselves.
In this week’s Problem of the Week, you get to know Particle Man. As you’d expect, he does the sorts of things a particle can. What’s he actually like? What makes Particle Man tick? It’s not important. Particle Man.
And then you will explore the deep-seated enmity between Particle Man and his arch-nemesis, Triangle Man. Spoiler alert: They have a fight and Triangle wins. Triangle Man.
In this day and age of reality television and celebrity obsession, what could get better ratings than shooting Betty White out of a cannon? To make things even more dangerous, what if the producers planted the cannon in an area with heavy jet traffic? Anwers to these questions and more in Problem of the Week #4, now posted! (Betty White was not harmed in the construction of this Problem.)
In honor of our 500th Facebook “like,” it’s time for our fifth and final contest (at least for a while). This is your chance, people! Give it your best shot!
Your challenge: Imagine Ben & Jerry’s is creating a new math-themed ice cream and name that flavor! Extra credit for designing the artwork on the container, in the Ben & Jerry’s theme. This is a tall order, so you get an extra 24-hours to complete your task.